Hello, sailors!

Fri, 28 May 2004 12:00:51 GMT

I can almost guarantee that anyone who reads this is gay. I don't have a problem with gayness, or Greeks, for that matter, but I do have a problem with those who want to be gay with me. I grew up on a farm, and I have had enough of all that type of thing.

Recently, I've been expanding my tastes. I went to see a band of haircuts called The Cooper Temple Clause and as you can see, one of them tried to be gay with me.

What you don't see is after this photo was taken I kicked him to death. I mean, have you heard of them recently? I don't think so.

So, welcome. I am Donkey. In this journal I shall be telling you what it is like to be a donkey, and how phrases such as "hung like a horse" have no place in modern society. I used to live on a farm in Somerset but sadly it burned down, in an unexplainable kind of way.

I have very strokable fur but it is alive with fleas. I would like tea but they won't give it to me.

Presently I am residing in Oxford as a Donkey Stunt Man. They said I was very violent and wanted to use me to kick people in films. They aren't paying me but I have eaten their possessions for every day that passes, just to show them who is boss.

I hate horses and in this journal I will be campaigning for the slaughter of all horses with a special gun.

So, now we are acquainted! Please, no, "Can I ride you" jokes. You're not funny, you know.

The Life of A Donkey

Hello, sailors!